Ruining Lamune (Explicit)

Note, as always, that “ruining” is akin to “spoiling in a mocking way.”

Okay.

So there’s this guy and his name is Ken and he meets this bitch who I will now refer to as “Bitch 1” as a child and he puts a crab on her head and she freaks out and they become best friends. It cuts to present day and these two are teenagers who live right next door to each other and Bitch 1 clearly has feelings for Ken but he’s like “fuck you love is gross.” We’re also introduced to a few other characters throughout the series including Ken’s sister, Ken’s cousin (I think), another bitch who loves Ken, more females, one male friend who’s the butt of every joke lol teh originality, and some biker girl whose importance to the anime is flatlined after her debut episode. Just like the rest of them.

This show is about Ken and Bitch 1. The show will remind you seven hundred times through ten thousand flashback scenes and every character referring to them as “husband and wife.” Over the course of the series, Ken and Bitch 1 don’t grow any closer as Ken always gtfo’s at every occasion until suddenly in, like, episode eight or something when he wants to fuck her because some other bitch confesses to him. Okay??? I would describe more about what happens in this anime, but this is a sort of slice of life anime and its plot is about as consistent as my ten year-old brother’s attention span, so I can’t really point out anything really substantial that happens in the earlier bulk of its run. However, this is the general gist of every episode:

Character does a thing. Episode focuses on character’s thing. Ken and Bitch 1 hang out and Ken’s an asshole. By the way, I forgot to mention that Ken is an asshole. He’s constantly berating his “friends” and is always whining whenever he doesn’t get his way. Fuck him. Anyway, situation is resolved and nothing happens because no one remembers it. Hell, I don’t even remember 90% of what I just watched. I guess it should go more like this:

Every characters plays their role. Viewer forgets most of what they just watched.

And then the episodes roll around when Ken and Bitch 1 are dating. They do shit together and never do more than hug for a couple minutes. Such an intimate relationship. Nothing happens in these episodes other than Ken and Bitch 1 getting more screentime. Then again, what do I know? I forgot everything anyway.

And then at the end of episode eleven, Ken gets into a motorcycle accident and dies. The end.

Actually, he goes into a coma for a year and everyone cries and I don’t care because all of these characters are awful and boring and bland and this show is absolutely horrendous on every fucking level and holy shit this was fucking bad. Ken eventually wakes up because fuck you, happy endings and everyone lived happily ever after and Ken’s father and Bitch 1’s mom are implied fucking which is weird because that could cause Ken and Bitch 1 to become related and then incest which I guess is okay because Japanese fap to that shit but hey no judgment here because I’m American and we don’t judge anyone nope okay.

This anime is melting my brain.

And the saving grace that didn’t make this a complete chore to watch: animation. The animation for this anime is horrible. So many still shots and repeated close-up animations to conserve budget and waste time space. And the animation, at times, is hilariously bad. Actions being pulled off faster than the speed of light or feats of defying gravity. Lamune has ’em all.

All I can ask is this: how? How is this anime not regarded as one of the worst of all-time? Its current rank on MAL is in the 3,000’s, which isn’t good by any means, but there are a shit-ton worse off. It’s complete shit. Complete. Shit. No redeeming qualities, aside from the unintentional humor that it provides with the logic of its characters and stupid bad animation skillz. Koi Koi 7 is the worst anime I’ve ever seen. Lamune is a close second.

The rating for this title and all others can be found on MyAnimeList.