NFL Pick ‘Ems (Week Five; 2015)

I’ll try and keep this short and sweet.

[Buffalo @ Tennessee]

Buffalo had a bad day against New York last week. They shouldn’t against Tennessee, though I can’t help but wonder what Tennessee has up their sleeve. Not a guaranteed win, but a likely one.

Winner: Buffalo

[Cleveland @ Baltimore]

Baltimore got by on a putrid performance from the Pittsburgh sideline last week. They’re left without a decent amount of weapons on offense, but their defense is still sturdy enough. Cleveland still looks to be Cleveland: flirting with the concept of superiority against San Diego at home last week. It’ll be close and will also probably be ugly.

Winner: Baltimore

[Chicago @ Kansas City]

I was looking through “NFL Expert” picks to see that no one believes Chicago has a figment of a chance to beat Kansas City. I mean, I get it: Chicago’s a bad team, yeah. But they aren’t bottom of the barrel. These two teams have the same record, after all. I’m almost tempted to pick Chicago here, honestly. In fact, I think I will. Chicago is calling to me like Indianapolis called to me on Thursday. Clearly, that means I have a sixth sense and Chicago will win.

I will probably regret this.

Winner: Chicago

[Seattle @ Cincinnati]

Unless Andy Dalton decides to play around with Richard Sherman, I don’t really see how Seattle has a chance with their known decrease in quality on the road and their paper-thin offensive line. Russell Wilson is unpredictable, sure, but he’s not indestructible. I think Cincy will win this match easily.

Winner: Cincinnati

[St. Louis @ Green Bay]

I have no idea if St. Louis is good or not. I do know, however, that Green Bay is really, really good.

Winner: Green Bay

[Jacksonville @ Tampa Bay]

I honestly have no idea who to pick here. Both of these teams are really bad. Both quarterbacks have shown that they’re, uh, not Aaron Rodgers. Jacksonville’s only win came against Miami. Tampa Bay’s only win came against New Orleans. Jacksonville was at home. Tampa Bay was on the road. They both have sporadically good weapons. Both have sporadically good defenses. Picking this game is a lot like flipping a fuckin’ coin. Tampa Bay has home-field advantage. That’s a plus for them. Jacksonville’s offense put up 13 points against Indianapolis’s defense last week. Indianapolis. Mrmm.

I should choose Tampa Bay. But I’m going to choose Jacksonville. Hopefully I chose the right side of the coin.

Winner: Jacksonville

[New Orleans @ Philadelphia]

Another game that should probably be ugly. Philadelphia’s defense is good, but Drew Brees found his groove last week against Dallas. Although, New Orleans is on the road, and like Seattle, they shrivel outside of their home environment. It should be a close game, for sure. I’m going with Chip Kelly’s racist noggin in this game.

Winner: Philadelphia

[Washington @ Atlanta]

Well, Washington certainly isn’t Houston. However, I feel the results will be the same. Hopefully for Washington it won’t be 42-0 by the end of the third quarter.

I think Leonard Hankerson will have a big day against his former team.

Winner: Atlanta

[Arizona @ Detroit]

Arizona lost to St. Louis last week at home. While that’s certainly worrisome, I don’t think it should carry over to Detroit, even if they’re on the road this week. I’m most excited to see how Patrick Peterson will play against Calvin Johnson. Probably well, since Detroit’s offensive line won’t give Stafford enough time to throw it to him deep. That or Stafford will just be inaccurate deep, as he’s getting too used to dumping the ball off to Theo Riddick.

This type of offense is good for a quarterback like Drew Brees. Not Stafford.

Winner: Arizona

[New England @ Dallas]

I’d be willing to bet my house that New England will outscore Dallas by at least four touchdowns.

Winner: New England

[Denver @ Oakland]

A fascinating match-up. Oakland has already beaten Baltimore at home this year. Denver’s a little different of a story than Baltimore. Oakland’s offense struggled against Chicago on the road last week. Denver’s defense is about 120 times better than Chicago’s, so it’ll be fun to see what Oakland can do against the Orange Crush.

Peyton Manning shouldn’t have to worry much about Oakland’s defense.

Winner: Denver

[San Francisco @ New York (Giants)]

San Francisco’s defense put up an admirable fight against Green Bay last week. However, their defense has given up a combined 90 points in two road games this season against Arizona and Pittsburgh. While New York’s offense isn’t as savvy as the previous two teams’, I think Odell Beckham and Rueben Randle (Wow) should be enough to keep New York in the game. After all, San Francisco’s offense has put up a measly 10 points in the last 8 quarters of play against Green Bay and Arizona.

Since trampling Minnesota, San Francisco’s quality has been dulling considerably.

Winner: New York

[Pittsburgh @ San Diego]

Y’know, Pittsburgh’s defense is pretty decent. And last week against Baltimore, their offense, even with Mike Vick, played alright. What worries me is what they’ll try to do when facing a difficult decision. Mike Tomlin has shown to be a little brain-dead when following his gut. And as much as San Diego’s shown a slight decline in quality, I think Pittsburgh’s offense isn’t good enough to really make a splash in this game, especially on the road. I’m thinking defense will keep Pittsburgh in this game, but San Diego’s offense will seal the deal.

Winner: San Diego

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