Impressions from Week Seven of the 2015 NFL Season

For this week, I’m going to be a little artsy. I will represent each game with an accompanying gif (I apologize to anyone whose devices can’t handle twenty gifs in a confined space) and a small sample of what it means. This isn’t to say that I’m lazy and I don’t want to write out more than I have to, just that I really enjoy gifs. Enjoy. (Some may be smaller than others.)

[Seattle @ San Francisco]

  • (Watched final quarter, correct)

Look at that big ol’ bully, Seattle. Pushin’ around San Francisco when they don’t have the means or the strength to defend themselves. Even at home in red and gold, the dastardly birds won’t even flinch. They grin from ear to ear knowing that can still push around their NFC West neighbor. At least they can with them.

[Buffalo @ Jacksonville]

  • (Did not watch, incorrect)

Jacksonville won. They got up by 21 points, then almost blew it, but took the lead in the final minute. I’m both elated because I secretly root for Jacksonville because they suck so hard and stunned to see Buffalo’s defense play so unlike last year. They can’t finish games. Rex Ryan should resign right now. Oh, baby.

[Cleveland @ St. Louis]

  • (Did not watch, incorrect)

Sometimes my hunches are great and lead me to pick teams that not many others would expect to win (see: Week Five- Chicago @ Kansas City). Sometimes, they have me pick the team that loses 6 to 24. And, according to NFLPickWatch, 95% of experts chose against my pick. Perhaps I was playing it a little too cute.

[Minnesota @ Detroit]

  • (Watched five minutes of third quarter, correct)

I can’t imagine the type of blood boiling in Detroit’s organization right now. Especially after an 11-5 record last year. I suppose firing Joe Lombardi and a few others is a start, but will it merit anything? The gif is a fantasy; longing for the days when the Lion’s roar actually meant something. Ho-hum. Here’s to another top 10 draft pick.

[Houston @ Miami]

  • (Did not watch, correct)

41-0 at halftime. Dear Lord, have mercy!

[New Orleans @ Indianapolis]

  • (Did not watch, incorrect)

Well, Indianapolis, you did it. You have lost to New Orleans… at home. Drew Brees had a crappy day and New Orleans’ defense is shaky, yet you couldn’t score when you had to. This team outside of its division, I swear. Either Andrew Luck actually sucks or someone’s putting him in a stranglehold, because this is just bizarre. The season isn’t even halfway over yet.

[Pittsburgh @ Kansas City]

  • (Did not watch, incorrect)

Good job, Kansas City. Really. You beat a team starting its unproven third-string quarterback. Even Baltimore beat this team once this season with Mike Vick at the helm. I hope you feel really good about your season’s chances. You’re the prettiest girl at the bar this week.

[New York (Jets) @ New England]

  • (Did not watch, correct)

You will never beat New England. No one will ever beat New England. You will never wake up. You will never triumph.

[Tampa Bay @ Washington]

  • (Watched final Washington drive, correct)

You like that?

[Atlanta @ Tennessee]

  • (Did not watch, correct)

Atlanta. Please. You’re better than this. What is it with you against bad teams? You had a close call with Philadelphia, Washington, and now Tennessee. Matt Ryan is playing like shit right now, leaving Devonta Freeman to clean up the entire mess. If it wasn’t for a much improved Atlanta defense, they’d be looking at a 4-3 record right now. Props to Tennessee for making me think they’re an okay team again, though. Ho-hum.

[Oakland @ San Diego]

  • (Did not watch, incorrect)

Probably should’ve used this gif for the Miami game, but it’s still funny and also applies here. San Diego got their asses handed to them by a team that went 3-13 last season. Now it looks like San Diego is destined to go 3-13. How did the roles reverse so quickly? Good drafting, good free agency pick-ups, good coaching? Maybe all? Nevertheless, Oakland is no longer the “instant W” team as it used to be. San Diego? Getting there. Also, Philip Rivers’ stats are overinflated. He put up most of those numbers in garbage time.

[Dallas @ New York (Giants)]

  • (Watched, correct)

Don’t worry, Dallas fans. Tony Romo should be back within a month. Until then, enjoy these swaying gorillas stomping your team into mediocrity. (I have no idea what the hell this gif is.)

[Philadelphia @ Carolina]

  • (Watched, correct)

Go on, Philadelphia fans. Gaze upon the team that your coach has created. Sam Bradford was a steal, your defense is stout, and DeMarco Murray is among the best running backs in the league. How could this team ever be anything less than 10-6? Cam Newton threw 3 interceptions? Get those guys on offense, ’cause the receivers weren’t helping Bradford much at all. What another ugly offensive game by Philadelphia. And to think, this team was putting up points like crazy against New Orleans. It’s like they’re only good against bad defenses or something.

[Baltimore @ Arizona]

  • (Watched, correct)

Hey, look! The refs fucked up! Again! Oh, how this sport is turning into a firestorm of viewer complaints. Nevertheless, I feel bad for Flacco. He’s just out there having fun and these mean ol’ people keep bringin’ him down. Little do they know that he’s waiting patiently to prove them all wrong. To show once and for all that he is ELITE.

It just won’t be this season.

It was a funny week. This shows with this entire entry. I made it a reflection of the week in general, get it? Regardless, I enjoyed it. I hope you did, too. I’ll be back next week with more words. I’ll see you then.

  • Week Seven Pick ‘Em record: 9-5
  • Overall Pick ‘Em record: 67-38

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