The Art of Anime Pretentiousness

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Welcome to the anime community. Your opinions are garbage. Why? Allow me to fill out four or five paragraphs of why that is, but first I will explain to you exactly what it means to be a “casual.” First of all,

a. person who is not nuanced within the proper context of Japanese folklore
b. only enjoys shows on a surface level, disallowing selection of art forms that present a greater conflict of sociological or psychological proportions to flourish
b. i. person does so because they are not intelligently capable enough to comprehend or too lazy to care for enlightenment
c. (addendum – 17/07/05; 13:31 P.M.) roped into anime by casual-istic titles such as Boku no Hero Academia or Dungeon ni Deai wo Motomeru no wa Machigatteiru Darou ka, distilling the expectations of the medium into surface-level appeal
d. believes the medium should cater to their whims (lmao)

Get the gist? Good. Let’s talk pretentiousness in anime. (more…)

Does Metroid Fusion Need a Remake?

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In September of last year, Metroid: Samus Returns was released to the glee of Metroid fans everywhere. A remake of a game not prevalent in the minds of even diehard fans, the original Metroid II for the Game Boy is, from what I can gather, not a great game, regardless. Part of the reason for this, however, is that they tried to fit a Metroid-esque style of game, dedicated to atmosphere, (to some extent) cinematics, and fast-paced action, on an early-days handheld system that was neither powerful nor pretty. To remake this game in a day and age where handheld games are much more grandiose than they were twenty years ago, I was all for it. Convenient enough that it released a year after the infamous AM2R fan game hit the internet, but that only served to further my excitement in comparing the two games when Samus Returns inevitably landed in my lap. (more…)

A Very Loud Noisemaker Killed “A Quiet Place”: My Brain

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Ironically enough, in a recent post for this blog I admitted that I had an issue with mocking subject matter in a way that made me sound elitist and narcissistic. Approximately a week later, I have found a subject that brought out once again that traditional style of ranting to myself for personal pleasure; a purely emotional response filled with rage, frustration, and a negative merriment reminiscent of my old persona. Once again, I must fight the urge to outright mock the living hell out of a film so bad in my eyes that I come across as a shit-throwing bigot for kicks. This in mind, I wish to rationally and calmly (relative term) explain why I think this film is so astonishingly awful. To do this, I have to spoil large portions of the film, so let it be known that extremely large spoilers lie ahead. (more…)

“The Objectively Subjective Objective” — A Reassessment

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Four months ago, I spit out a somewhat heavy topic titled “The Objectively Subjective Objective.” With this piece, I tried to elaborate upon the system with which I judge anime and visual media in general. Claims such as denying that “theories and opinions cannot be objective” and that if everything were subjective there would be no point in critiquing anything fill the page with an almost condescending air of frustration and bullheadedness. That post was unplanned, and writing through it, a large portion of the arguments I made were on the spot, without the sanction of some measure of forethought. In recent weeks, I’ve found myself thinking about the ways in which certain products can be both good and bad, and have found a comfortable acceptance with how nothing is generally concrete—that the things that can be determined as good or bad in art is purely subjective.

It’s taken some number of years, but I’m ready to forgo the “objective” discipline. (more…)

Sex Should Be More Prominent in Anime

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I know what you’re thinking. “But how could sex be any more prominent in anime?! There are ecchi shows being released every season, and sexual fan service/tension has been a staple of even the most innocent anime out there! Why would you want to add more?!” I can see why one might assume this based on the title of this post alone. Though, perhaps, one should take it in a more literal sense.

There should be more sex in anime; the actual act of two (or more, why not?) characters performing sexual intercourse. It will never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever happen, but I think a more liberal mindset on the topic could benefit the medium (along with others stringent about it) in a multitude of ways, whether carnal or artistic. (more…)

Disney’s Priorities Destroyed The Last Jedi’s Potential

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So let’s do something a little extravagant. We’re gonna mix elements of a formal review, an opinion piece, and an off-the-walls personal document! We’ll pick it apart, while also talking about my unbridled hatred for Disney. It’s the signature(?) brand of comedic, messy writing one comes to expect when reading from my blog. (more…)

Harry Potter’s Final Scene Destroyed Me

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(Apologies for the slightly-clickbait title.)

Through the last month of two, I watched the entire Harry Potter franchise for the first time with my brother. Only Prisoner of Azkaban and Order of the Phoenix stood as films I’d consider above average; indeed, I did not care for this series. The writing always had this simplicity to it that was almost mocking of how dark and serious its tone wanted to be after the second film, along with random twists to add to the flavor of predictable narrative formula. But this post isn’t a critique on the Harry Potter franchise. It is the result of a powerful emotional response to the final scene in the last movie of the series, a response so sudden and overdramatic that it drove my brother to fits of giggles. Only fitting that a film franchise that left me with little emotional immersion would save its most fitting performance for last.

It was the shining star that guided me to demoting The Deathly Hallows Part 2 to an instant 1/10. Also, huge spoilers ahead. (more…)