lolwtf

WARNING

This post is going to be dumb.

It’s Valentine’s Day, people. The day to express one’s appreciation, and on occasion rampant sexual desire, for their loved ones. This is in response to Valentine’s Day’s origins: the massacre of St. Valentine. What better way than to disperse violence and ill-will than with love and tolerance for all? And chocolate? And sex? And commercialism? All truly romantic.

Because I enjoy making a big deal out of holidays, I decided to write up a dumb post chronicling what it would take to create my perfect “waifu.” Of course, I technically already have a waifu, but it’s fun to fantasize about all the qualities of a woman I enjoy with characters (and real people). These are the qualities of a lovely waifu candidate that speak to me on a level that transcends my cynical mechanism.

Independent

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on, now. Independence? Is that sexy? Is that moe? Anything is moe, but really? Independence? Yes. Independence.

The norm is that men are strong and women are weak, with the latter depending on the former for protection. There are exceptions to this, but generally this is how things carry on, especially in anime. Studio giants a la Disney are trying to “correct” this by continuing to cast strong female leads in their films, however the long-standing tradition will take a lot of time to be seen as anything other than “pandering” or “progressive.” I’ve always had a weak spot for girls who can take care of themselves—not so much that they act masculine to compensate for their lack of femininity, but are capable of doing as much (or more) than anyone around them, not just men. I find the aspect of being able to handle any situation with grace or level-headedness to be a very appealing strength. I’m often bothered by useless people, whether girls or boys, which plague a number of shows or, let’s face it, real life areas.

As odd as this may sound, I’m a pretty competitive guy, and being able to stand toe-to-toe with a woman on a subject I’m proficient in is as attractive as physical beauty. And I’m not perfect. Sometimes I need someone to rely on, as well. Having a woman be able to compensate for my weaknesses is a security both practically and emotionally therapeutic. I liken myself to being the man of a strong, independent woman who don’t need no man.

Characters that fit this mold: Revy (pictured above), from Black Lagoon. Yoko Littner, from Gurren Lagann. Ryuuko Matoi, from Kill la Kill. Michiko Malandro, from Michiko to Hatchin.

Playful/Sense of humor

Again, I’m a competitive guy. I like having little, useless debates with people that involve wit and quick thinking. Of course, I’m never serious with it, and to have a woman play along with me is an incredibly satisfying feeling. Someone who can trump me gets my blood boiling, too. In a good way.

I try my very hardest to be funny. Perhaps followers of my Twitter have noticed. Some don’t get my humor, but those who do are instantly on my good side.Women who employ this same humor are often doubly so. It gives me a sense of open-mindedness and creativity and intelligence flowing within. Y’know how often I find this in anime? The answer is much closer to never than often.

It’s the rarity of this that makes it more appealing to me. I suppose when one is depraved of something they enjoy, the appearance of such a thing becomes more memorable and impactful. Like drugs. One can also note this by my Favorite Characters list on MAL, which has a number of women who exhibit this quality.

Characters that fit this mold: Togame (pictured above), from Katanagatari. Holo, from Ookami to Koushinryou. Takagi, from Karakai Jouzu no Takagi-san.

Affectionate

This goes double for tsunderes, as a certain someone made me quite fond of them.

Along with being goofy and amusing, I’m also a very affectionate person. Indeed, the guy who complains and criticizes everything he feels is beneath him is actually a teddy bear at heart. Thanks, Mom. So to have someone be just as affectionate as I am, whether through their words, actions, or otherwise, is a quick way into my heart. I enjoy praise and I enjoy the mushy, sweet stuff that comes with this holiday and any other holiday. I’m a self-proclaimed romanticist, after all.

Some may be a tad confused to see Taiga as the poster of this trait, as she’s most often referred to as “Bitch” or “TsunTsun” or “The worst character.” I, however, like to look between the lines and judge her based on her actions. And her actions include sticking with the characters she grows to love and going through with improving herself for the sake of others. She’s often roped into doing things she doesn’t want to do, but if she didn’t really want to do them, she wouldn’t. Instead, she has that loyalty to her friends to help them out any way she can. In actuality, she’s very caring, and very affectionate, but in her own way. This aspect (and more) is what makes her my favorite anime character ever.

Sometimes it’s not just about saying “I love you,” but showing that love for someone.

Characters that fit this mold: Taiga Aisaka (pictured above), from Toradora!. Eris, from Asobi ni Iku yo!. Marin, from Umi Monogatari. Papika, from Flip Flappers.

Opinionated

Yes.

I almost thought about putting “Cynical” here, but that isn’t quite right. I’d prefer if someone were pungent enough intellectually to see through the vapid attempts from the world to use them for their will, but not a constant debbie-downer. That’s not to say cynical people are always like so, but that’s the generalization. In a nutshell, I like people who aren’t easily pleased, people who aren’t going to walk into anything and everything wanting to enjoy it. People are a lot more interesting when they have some complexity. Having opinions makes them infinitely more complex, especially if they have justifications for said opinions.

I don’t know a lot of opinionated women, personally. And I certainly don’t know many opinionated female characters in anime or otherwise. Hikigaya really is the perfect choice for this trait, though he’s the more generalized aspect. Always spitting poison and wanting to be away from all the fake people around him. This is exaggerated for the sake of appealing to a certain demographic, but I feel a balance between this cynicism and his potential for growth could make him ripe with waifu material.

This plays a little into my interest in people and their opinions, as I enjoy talking to people about what makes things good or bad or otherwise. Having a partner to discuss these things at length for long spurts is incredibly attractive, and gives me a scope of their personality and tastes. In a sense, it almost feels apathetic of me to want to learn of people from a scientific viewpoint, but I’m also listing qualities of what I would want in a “Waifu.”

Characters that fit this mold: Hachiman Hikigaya (Pictured above), from Oregairu. Haruhi Suzumiya (Maybe?), from Suzumiya Haruhi no Yuuutsu.

And that’s what it takes to create my perfect waifu. If anybody would like to make a recommendation of who fits this mold closest is free to comment. Have a safe and happy Valentine’s Day, and I hope this post didn’t make you want to throw up.