Sebastian Maniscalco Shamed Me Into Washing My Feet (Then Disappeared for a Decade)

sebastian cover

2020 is already shaping up to be a pretty bizarre year for me. Barely over a week in, a couple of strange coincidences have occurred that have histories spanning a long number of years that I felt would make for good writing material. This will not be the kind of post I typically write for this blog, but it’s a new decade. Why not try out some peculiar filler prose to exercise my creative tendencies? Continue reading “Sebastian Maniscalco Shamed Me Into Washing My Feet (Then Disappeared for a Decade)”

An Ode to Jon Bois

jon bois ode cover

I am writing this about twelve hours removed from reading 17776 for the first time. To some, this may seem like Bois’s most definitive work, considering the scale of the work and the reception it garners to this day. I’ve watched his works for years, whether on the SB Nation website or Youtube, but never took the deep dive into this grand-scale tale until recently. Hard to say why—a desire to enjoy easy-going, non-challenging content, or the pressure of gripping onto something that will guarantee some soul-searching by the end. By video game logic, it’s like preferring a few games of Mario Kart 8 Deluxe to the entirety of The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild. Continue reading “An Ode to Jon Bois”

Interesting Tidbits: I Own Three Wikias

wiki logo

Whatever people may presume of me from my content, I have little control over. What I can confirm, should this be something people assume of me, is that I love information and data-collecting. While I’m no treasure trove of knowledge in any given area (though I’m no slouch), a lot of my time, whether in the past or present, is spent looking up all sorts of random garbage that will likely serve no one but me… and usually not even me. Continue reading “Interesting Tidbits: I Own Three Wikias”

I’ve Kinda-Sorta Become an Official Video Game Reviewer (And Another Update)

keengamer logo

Longer than anime, longer than football, the longest-tenured pastime activity in my life has always been video games. I started playing before I could even fathom a thought as to what video games even were. A time when I saw a screen with bright lights, a character sitting idly, and a controller in my hand, when fondled with, made the character onscreen move. It started with Donkey Kong Country, and has no end in sight. Despite the hiatuses and breaks I’ve taken to pursue other interests, video games are something I will always love and eventually come back to no matter what.

Completely on a whim, settled within a mindset of “What am I doing with my life anymore,” I decided to Google “video game site jobs.” Lo and behold, the Gods of fate smiled upon me; a listing of available jobs became available in an “” style of structure. Sifting through the debris with a heightened sense of urgency, I came across an opportunity that seemed almost too good to be true. An up-and-coming gaming journalism website that pays and provides various new-release games free of charge? I applied immediately (after checking out the site). Better yet, I used this blog as part of my resume. And it ended up being in my benefit! This rotten blog, which for years has brought me nothing but intrinsic self-indulgence and the camaraderie of the ani-community, actually ended up being useful in future endeavors.

I applied and I was accepted, though I started on a trial period, so I delayed the announcement until now, when everything became prime and proper. I am officially a video game reviewer for KeenGamer. I’ve had two reviews published as of today, should one be interested in how I’ve fared.

With this now established, there are a few things I’d like to provide via update. The first being that on Twitter, I will now be addressing myself by my real, full name. I contemplated giving myself a real picture, as well, but I couldn’t say goodbye to the bunny persona I had created for myself, so that will stay. Plus, it’d be rather drastic for my (INCREDIBLY LARGE AMOUNT OF) followers to suddenly see a bunny called “Kopo” turn into a real boy named “Dakota Gordon.” The entire basis behind this change is a manner of consistency, seeing as I will now be very vocal about my new job via Twitter, and any potential followers could make the connection that the “Dakota Gordon” on Keengamer is the same “Dakota Gordon” on Twitter.

The second is that this blog will likely not be as active (or lengthy in its content) as it once was. I’ve already been debating as to whether or not I should scrap my second blog, seeing as I hardly write there anymore even without this new development. Anime output will still continue, as well as various pieces from other visual media, but it won’t be as, how should I say, weighty? Or even as consistent. My focus now is on what’s more beneficial, and this reviewing job is nothing short of my dream job—I AM LIVING MY DREAM—and it takes priority. I also said this before with going back to school and all, but now it’s held twice over. I am more busy with life now than I have ever been.

Let this not be a farewell, but a greeting to a new beginning. Old things come and go, steadied by a consistent desire to hold it afloat, and I assure any follower that despite the workload, this blog will continually be updated until I say it’s done with. I thank everyone who has read any one of my hundred pages of musings on whatever topic, and have continued to support me in my years on WordPress. I’m unsure if I could’ve gotten this far, or taken this many opportunities without the aid of those who continue to interact with me here, on Twitter, or elsewhere. The times are a changin’, and I’m not sure I’ve ever been happier with it.

A True Story About Myself With Only A Little Exaggeration

This was a paper I had to turn in for my English Final. I liked it so much, that I decided to make it public. This was the story of the only time I ever ran away from home.

After a long, winding trip to the shiny state of Florida at the age of three, I ran away from home. Now, to say that I “ran away” is a bit of an over exaggeration. With my mind still in development, I believe it was more of a cry for help than anything. But that cry for help was nothing of concern; I simply didn’t know where I was. Being in Florida for a week and suddenly returning home, my mind probably didn’t recognize my own house. That being the case, I did what any secluded, three year-old child did when they were lost: I tried to find my way back home, away from my home.

It all began in the state of Florida. The sun was overbearingly hot and the people were loud and obnoxious. The previous statement was a joke, of course; I didn’t have the mind to remember anything from the trip. What I did remember, however, was that I was staying in the same house for the entirety of the trip. Whatever house this may be or whom it was owned by, I have no idea. All I knew is that I was in it, therefore, it was mine. Also due to my undeveloped mind, I don’t recall if I even enjoyed being in Florida. This is the issue with being a child: you barely remember a thing, whether good or bad. Perhaps I had a horrific accident while in Florida and I had to have life-saving surgery? I would never know, nobody tends to tell me anything.

I had come back from Florida and was back in the good ol’ state of Illinois; where the politicians’ seats were up for sale and the football team hadn’t won big in over a decade. When I came back into my old home, I was stunned to see the environment around me. This wasn’t the house I had been living in before. What happened to my lovely abode in the sunny state? My wonderful little mind in waiting couldn’t comprehend this sudden development. I was bewildered, I was furious, but most of all, I wanted to play Super Mario. After a long day of stomping on goombas, it was time for me to go to bed. With my mother and father sleeping restlessly in the room next to me and my sibling snoring below me, I decided to take matters into my own puny hands. I crawled out of bed and onto the stairs that lead down to the floor of my old, decrepit room. I tip-toed toward the door and tossed it open as quietly as possible. I pitter pattered all the way toward the front door, which was conveniently unlocked, and turned the handle. My destiny was right in front of me. The only thing that stood between me and imminent death was my own survival skills. At age three, my survival skills weren’t all that I would have liked them to be. Thinking nothing of this, because I could barely think at all, I walked out into the cold, night air.

The next morning, my house was under fire. Not a literal fire, but a fire could have been started at some point due to all the chaos. My mother was in a panic, my father was in a panic, and worst of all, my own brother didn’t care. He simply sat there with a pacifier in his mouth and cried for his own personal gain. At some point during all of this, my mother had called my mother’s mother, also known as my grandmother, to tell her the terrible news: I was gone. My grandmother, as was typical of all amazing grandmothers, was horrified to hear the news of the disappearance of such a pure human child. For some reason, no one thought to call the police to send out a missing child report, but hey, they were in a panic. Within an hour after they had realized I had disappeared, there was a knock on the door. Who could it be? Was it I? Why would I knock on the door? My mother rushed toward the door and opened it to see the surprise of her life.

Standing on the porch outside of our trailer was our local newspaper deliverer with a young, strapping lad cradled in his arms. “Hark,” the newsman cried, “I have news to give to the Gordon household.” The newsman then took to a formal salute and presented the child to my mother. “I have found the perfect child. His stature is robust, his chin is magnificent. When I had found him on the neighboring house’s porch, he was sleeping atop a beheaded wildebeest. His hair flows majestically as if guiding the wind with its fine strands. His sleeping is silent and graceful, as though he were a nuisance to no one. His skin may be pale but his heart beats like the valiant knights of old times. To the woman who have bore him, I wish to marry, so that I may be in the presence of such an extraordinary human accomplishment for all minutes on the hour. Would you, miss, happen to know where this glorious child may originate from?”

“My child!” my mother cried. Oh, how my mother cried! The fear of having lost the greatest thing to ever come into her life was shattered in an instant. My father rushed over to share in the loving reunion, while my brother simply lay back and sleep the whole thing over. I, while still sleeping in my mother’s arms, slept soundly as if nothing ever happened. When I woke back up, I was back in my old house, and this time, I truly felt I was at home. I grew up as any kid would, and my experiences within that first home of mine was some of the greatest times I could ever recall. My family was together and still growing, I was always surrounded by the best of people, and my ego didn’t get in the way of having fun. Not once did I try to run away from home again. There was no need to, as I had the perfect upbringing, so I had no reason to do so. Everything was right in the world, and running away was too much of a hassle. After all, that wildebeest was quite the chore.